The loss of a pet may be one of the most painful experiences many people face, leaving an enormous gap in lives where there will be no more meaningful looks or lovable barks. It is a profound and unique bond between human beings and animals, and the grief that comes with the loss of a pet is intense and sometimes cannot be understood by people who have never felt it. Months after the loss, the pain can still hit you without warning, triggered by small reminders like an empty bed or a forgotten leash. This article discusses why losing a pet hurts so much and ways to cope with your grief, including what helps and what doesn’t.
1. Acknowledging Your Feelings
What helps: Don’t get hung up on the right way to “feel.” Grieving is a personal experience, and it is okay to be angry, sad, or even have moments of joy amidst the pain. Don’t let anybody tell you how to feel or when it’s time to “move on.” Your grief is valid, and you deserve to honor it in your own way.
What doesn’t: Bottling up your emotions or feeling guilty about your grief. Suppressing your feelings can delay the healing process. Do not compare your grief to someone else’s or let anyone minimize your loss.
2. Seeking Support
What helps: Connect with other grieving pet owners. Online forums, pet loss hotlines, and support groups allow you to share your feelings and connect with those who can relate. Having someone who appreciates and understands just how great your loss is can make a significant difference.
What doesn’t: Avoiding friends or family who may not understand the depth of your grief. While their intentions may be good, their lack of understanding can inadvertently invalidate your emotions.
3. Creating Rituals and Memorials
What helps: Engage in rituals that honor your pet’s life. A funeral, a memorial service, planting a tree, or creating a scrapbook—these are all ways for you and your family to express your feelings openly. These commemorative rituals can bring comfort and some closure.
What doesn’t: Dismissing the purpose and importance of rituals or feeling pressure to skip them because others think they are inappropriate. Do what you and your family feel is best, no matter what others may think.
4. Creating a Legacy
What helps: Create a memorial, plant one or more trees to commemorate your pet, organize a photo album or scrapbook, or otherwise share the memories you created together. This will create a lasting legacy celebrating the life of your animal friend. Reminiscing about the joy and love you shared with your pet can provide a path toward healing.
What doesn’t: Forgetting the importance of creating a legacy for your beloved pet.
5. Prioritizing Self-Care
What helps: The stress of losing a pet can quickly drain your energy and emotional reserves. Maintaining your physical and emotional health will help you get through this difficult time. Spend time with those who care about you, eat a healthy diet, make sure you’re sleeping, and exercise regularly, which will release endorphins and help you feel better.
What doesn’t: Diminishing your own self-care can be more harmful than helpful in times like these.
6. Maintaining Routine for Surviving Pets
What helps: If you have other pets, do your best to keep your usual routine. Surviving pets can also suffer grief when a pet passes away, or they may become distressed by your grief. Keeping their daily routines — or adding some additional exercise and play times — will not just be good for the surviving pets but can also help to lift your mood and outlook, as well.
What doesn’t: Disrupting your other pets’ routines will confuse them.
7. Seeking Professional Help
What helps: If your grief is persistent and interferes with your ability to function, your doctor or a mental health professional can evaluate you for depression.
What doesn’t: Ignoring the feeling of needing professional help. It makes a huge difference in terms of the healing process.
8. Validating Your Grief
What helps: Accept that losing a pet can be a significant experience and your sadness is justified. Don’t argue with people who dismiss your loss or try to undermine your emotions. Know that help might come outside your usual circle.
What doesn’t: Internalizing the opinions of people who don’t understand pet loss. Their lack of empathy doesn’t diminish the legitimacy of your grief.
9. Staying Connected
What helps: Make sure you stay connected with friends. Pets, particularly dogs, can help seniors meet new people or spend time connecting with friends and neighbors on a walk or in the dog park. Having lost your pet, it’s important that you don’t spend day after day by yourself. Try to be around at least one person each day. Having regular face-to-face contact can help you to ward off depression and stay positive. Reach out to an old friend or neighbor for a lunch date or join a club.
What doesn’t: Staying isolated can make the grief worse.
10. Exercise to Renew Your Energy
What helps: Pets keep many older adults active and playful, which can strengthen your immune system and give you more energy. Keeping your activity level up is important following the loss of your pet. Ask your doctor for approval before beginning an exercise program, and then choose an activity that you enjoy. Exercise with a group — playing a sport like tennis or golf or taking a class such as exercise or swimming — can also help you bond with others.
What doesn’t: It’s important not to stop exercising as a result of the grief.
11. Finding New Meaning and Joy
What helps: Seek new meaning and joy in life. Caring for a pet used to fill the hours and lift your spirits. Try to fill that time by volunteering, taking on a long-neglected hobby, taking a class, assisting friends, rescue groups, or homeless shelters with caring for their animals, or even getting another pet when the time is right.
What doesn’t: Neglecting to find ways to make life better after losing your pet.
Coping With Loss
Coping with pet loss is a challenging journey that requires self-compassion, support, and understanding. By recognizing the validity of your grief, using healthy coping strategies, and avoiding common pitfalls, you can navigate this difficult time with greater resilience. Keep in mind that it takes time to heal, and it is okay to ask for help when you need it.
